We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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