Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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