Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
