i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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