The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
