I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
