his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
