So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
