She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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