I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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