mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
