I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
