Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
