so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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