just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
