I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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