her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
