i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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