I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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