yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
