The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
