There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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