4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
