My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
