I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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