just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
