just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
