I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
