I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
