The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
