went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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