Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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