The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
