I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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