I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
