Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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