What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
