there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
