I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize