you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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