Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
