he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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