I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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