I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
