He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
