Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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