Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
