you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
