Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
