he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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