addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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