Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
