ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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