My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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