Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
