when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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