I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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