it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
vagina is talking i cant
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize