Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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