does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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