I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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