you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
