So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
