All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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