Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Rumble strips road head = magical
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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