I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i think i just lost a toe
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
